Bueno Mikey Gazette
The first and last issue
On June 15, 1990 Gremlins 2: The New Batch was released in the United States. On this day in 2022, the first and final edition of the Bueno Mikey Gazette is being shared with the world. In the almost 32 years between these two events, shockingly little has changed in our world. Poverty, disease, and violence still plague every corner of the world. In fact, it often feels easy to say that things have gotten worse somehow since Joe Dante unleashed his chaotic masterwork upon us; if not for us individually, but humanity and the world at large.
So what do we do, when there’s so much out there that we have no control over, and the little we do seems inconsequential? I’ll tell you what I did. I started writing the Bueno Mikey Gazette.
What is the Bueno Mikey Gazette? Let’s step back for a moment to that fateful day in 1990. In the film, as you may remember, Gremlins have multiplied (as is their nature), mutated, and taken over a rather tall building in New York, New York (“a city so nice, they named it twice”). One Gremlin seemed to stick out from the wacky pack: a singularly intelligent and well spoken chap known only as Brain Gremlin.
For the entire duration of the first film and for a large portion of the sequel, Gremlin and Man have up to this point stood diametrically opposed: two ends of a cinematic magnet bound by nature (and narrative) to clash. But at a critical moment somewhere between the second and third act, these two forces seem to pause for a moment, quite literally sit down, and talk to one another. Grandpa Fred, known previously for his work as the host on Grandpa Fred’s House of Horrors, had seemingly brokered a truce with the creature known only as Brain Gremlin, and staged a live impromptu interview with him. Fred didn’t waste any time, and got right down to the question at the heart of every person in the world: what did the Gremlins want? Well, I won’t paraphrase Brain Gremlin’s response, so here’s the relevant text in full:
BG: “Fred, what we want is, I think, what everyone wants, and what you and your viewers have: civilization.
GF: Yes, but what sort of civilization are you speaking of?
BG: The niceties, Fred. The fine points: diplomacy, compassion, standards, manners, tradition… that’s what we’re reaching toward. Oh, we may stumble along the way, but civilization, yes. The Geneva Convention, chamber music, Susan Sontag. Everything your society has worked so hard to accomplish over the centuries, that’s what we aspire to; we want to be civilized.
Immediately after saying this, Brain Gremlin pulled out a gun and executed one of his peers, live on cable television.
So what’s the point? Think of it like this. The Bueno Mikey Gazette wants what everyone wants: civilization. And like the Gremlins, it’s pretty new at it, but it’s got the potential to grow and change pretty fast. It’s easy to see how quickly those critters can evolve, and their chaotic nature seems to be at the heart of the process. So as the Gazette carves a path toward cinematic civilization, it may not be in the direction that one might expect. And it might have to commit heinous acts of fratricide along the way. It’s all part of the plan.
“But Noah, you said this is the final issue of the Gazette, so does the path stop here?” I’ll just say this: there will be more issues, but they won’t be called the Gazette. The same way that Electric Gremlin, Bat Gremlin, and Secretary Gremlin are all one of a kind yet share the same DNA. Bueno Mikey will return. Stay tuned.
